Magazine Trolls

I'm always blown away by seemingly smart people who write for magazines and newspapers. I picked up a free paper at a taco joint today at lunch; The SN&R also known as the Sacramento News & Review. So there I am, sitting in my truck during a class lunch break. I've got a couple of shrimp tacos and a large soda. I've got a pillow in the back seat cause I'm gonna take a nooner after I eat. This getting up 2 hours earlier to drive to SAC is messing up my sleep patterns. Add to that, I got wrapped around the axle as I lay in my bed about my relations with my dad and his side of the family. It robbed me of sleep for a couple of hours. Nap in the backseat is a good idea.

So I flip through the pages and stop at an article entitled "Muggles unite!" There's a picture the newest Harry Potter book. Now personally, I've never read any of those books but I have seen the movies. They're ok. The main reason I went to see them is the fact that I like Alan Rickman, and Richard Harris. That's my total involvment with the books and movies.

Peter Byrne, the author of the article in question, tells us that reading Hary Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is better if you read it in conjunction with Being and Nothingness. Well so much for my pretending to be smart. I've never heard of the book. Turns out, it's no problem though. Mr. Byrne makes his point. "The Potter tales," he says, "are explicated by Being and Nothingness." Wait a minute. Is this like synchronizing The Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd's - The Wall? Will no sane person see what you mean? Does this require me to drop acid to appreciate the parallels? Hmmmm.

"A Hobbesian landscape in which magical technique has failed to triumph over poverty, illness or capitalism..."

Christ. I'm trying to figure out how this guy has managed to link poverty, illness and capitalism. Ok, I'm a Cold Warrior. I have great memories of the Soviet Union and it's riches. I've actually visited provinces of the FSU. Believe me, there was poverty and illness aplenty. Something hadn't been there in decades. Capitalism. Now, I'm not a man who is overly educated, but it seems like capitalism attracts money, prosperity, and comfortable lifestyles. Those countries I visited are growing stronger every day they are not ruled by Communism. You're thinking of China now. An interesting mix of so called communist rule and capitalist business. Doesn't count.

Then I consider the fact that I'm reading an article written by a man who is likely younger than me, college educated, and knows everything. It always seems to be the way of things in articles. Like so much of the media, they are divorced from the real world on most everything. Let me explain...

In the perfect world inhabited by intellectuals and many people who seem to exist in academia, there are no possessions. No greed, no hunger, yada yada yada. Thanks John. It sounds great and everybody shares. There's plenty for everyone right? All we have to do is share and share alike.

Crap. In such a world there is no reason for anyone to make the goods that offer us the good life. I mean, what is the incentive for making iPods by the millions if you just have to give them away? But wait! Take a step back. Are there six point something BILLION iPods so that everyone can have one? Are there enough resources on planet Earth to make six billion iPods? Yes? How about cars? How about houses? How about every other item of the good life?

Well I've got a newsflash for those guys. There are not enough resources currently available on this planet to allow every single person living on it to have everything we have that is considered "The Good Life". So in order for everyone to have an equal share of what's left of the good life, we all have to accept a lot less than we have now. Never mind the rest of the story. There is greed and there always will be. There's a lot of other human factors that mean there will always be poverty. Illness is something we as a race try to fix, but there's always sickness in new forms. So once again ideals fall short in the less the perfect real world.

You'd think that would be enough lala land for Peter Byrne, but it's not. He goes on to explain that the bad guy is the one who is free and choosing the right path et cetera et cetera. Poor Harry is enslaved by the ideals of the school he attends and the only way he can triumph (over Voldemort) is to break those chains and follow Voldemorts example. Believe me, Mr. Byrne spends considerably more print explaining this point. He invokes Freud, Oedipus complexes, Bad Faith, true Negation, and becoming a free Being. He tells us that Harry must reject magical explainations. Mr. Byrne manages to expect us to believe that if Harry Potter can reject magic, hokum, and stop lying to himself about the world he lives in, that world will be better for everyone. If Harry can make that leap of imagination, maybe we can too. Harry can go join forces with Voldemort also known as the Dark One and then they (and we) will see that in that perfect world of sharing and no possessions et cetera, there are also no heros and no villians right?

Peter? It's a damn adventure story you moron!!! How enjoyable is a book or movie when there is no conflict? Man vs Man. Man vs Beast. Man vs Environment and so forth. Imagine these books if there was nothing in which the protagonists must strive against. Where would the story be? I mean you can only have so many stories about a person struggling with his primative human nature while in a perfect workers paradise.

Charlie wants another piece of pie, but the only way to get it is steal it from anther person. The Pie Baking Battalion couldn't get enough ingrediants to make THIRTEEN BILLION pieces of pie. There were only sixish billion so there's not a second piece for Charlie. In his desire for another piece he has tasted the sour flavor of greed and he weeps at his own inner weakness blah blah blah.

Quite a movie. Maybe we can get John Williams to do the soundtrack, but no, we'd be just as good with me writing the songs because all things are equal in this paradise right? Will everyone look the same too? Nobdy lusting over the neighbor's great looking wife? No, stop now. King David is a whole other story.

So, as I kicked back for my nap, I realized that these articles must be written by what we call...

A Troll

Boy do I feel like a reeled in fish. I'm amazed that magazines hire and pay trolls a salary. But I guess I'll have to believe they do because the alternative is very frightening.

-Corwin